


Amanda (re-imagined)

by Higgies230



Series: Mismatched Family [8]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Good Parent Mickey Milkovich, Heavy Angst, Hurt Mickey Milkovich, M/M, Parent Mickey Milkovich, Sad Mickey Milkovich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 21:32:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17271509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgies230/pseuds/Higgies230
Summary: This is an alternate ending for Amanda. It is set apart and so doesn't fit in with the rest of the series. It is just a what if.Mickey shook, rubbing his hands together in order to hide it.  He’d looked at his phone, eager to contact Ian as soon as possible and make sure that he was okay but Ian hadn’t picked up. That was why he was shaking because he had called three times and his husband hadn’t picked up.





	Amanda (re-imagined)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maryellen590](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maryellen590/gifts).



  Mickey shook, rubbing his hands together in order to hide it. His idiot ass brother had screwed up the drugs and had gotten them locked away until he could sort it out. Now, he was on his way home to his husband and new daughter, she had been born over two weeks ago and he hadn’t yet met her. It was just another reason that he had nearly killed Iggy as soon as they had gotten out of their little hostage situation, his brother was now there beside him driving with a black eye, lucky that he hadn’t gotten worse.

  He’d looked at his phone, eager to contact Ian as soon as possible and make sure that he was okay but Ian hadn’t picked up. That was why he was shaking because he had called three times and his husband hadn’t picked up.

  Finally, finally after what felt like forever, they reached their street. Iggy was pulling up outside of their beaten down home but Mickey opened the door and jumped out before he’d stopped, sprinting up to their front door. He burst through the door like a madman, calling out only to find the house empty. For a minute his heart stopped, clogging up with panic, but then he looked up at the clock and saw that it would be time to pick up the boys. Ian was just on the school run that was all.

  After taking a calming breath, Mickey walked straight over to their daughter’s room. God he was glad that they had it sorted already, the boys had been born a few days late but of course little Amanda had to be born early. He wondered what Mandy’s reaction had been to having the little niece with her name just like she wanted.

  He pushed the door open and took in the calming yellow walls, the little crib that used to belong to one of the twins, the one that they had packed down and decided to keep after getting rid of the other two. Ian was going to sell this one too but Mickey had stopped him, he may have had the feeling already that he wanted to have another baby with Ian one day. The room had been so obviously unused when he had left but now the bedding was ruffled and the layer of dust was gone, an empty bottle sat on the dresser. He could even smell the new baby smell when he bent down over the crib.

  Although he knew that Ian and the kids would be back soon, he couldn’t help but fidget, sitting down on the sofa and just waited. Finally, the door opened and his boys shuffled in, they weren’t rushing like they normally were, they were subdued and that set him on edge. He jumped up and beamed at them, so beautiful, a perfect mix of him and his husband. They saw him and rushed to him then, grabbing onto him and clinging, little fingers clutching at his shirt almost desperately.

  Then he heard the sobbing, felt the tears. He pulled back and wiped their faces, kissing each other their cheeks in turn and smiling wetly at them, holding back his own happy tears.

  “Missed you boys,” he said, giving each of them a little squeeze.

  “Missed you too Papa,” Alex half sobbed back.

  Mickey stood then, extracting himself and looking up only to find Mandy there holding a tiny baby and no Ian. She was looking at him with such a mix of emotions on her face that he didn’t know how to untangle, but he didn’t want to be looking at her. He frowned and looked around but no, his redhead hadn’t snuck by.

  “Where’s Ian?” he asked.

  “Come here Mickey. Go play boys,” she said, shooing his twins away and leading Mickey back into the nursery.

  “Where have you been?” she demanded as soon as the door closed. She looked close to tears, close to breaking in general. There were bags under her eyes and she hadn’t done her makeup, something that _never_ happened.

  “Iggy fucked up and the guys kept us until he sorted out his mess. Now tell me where the fuck my fucking husband is,” Mickey gritted out. Something wasn’t right.

  “We buried him two days ago,” she chocked out then, holding the baby close to her chest.

  “What?” he got out, his heart stopping. What the fuck did she mean bury? He wasn’t dead. Ian wasn’t dead, he couldn’t be.

  “Having this baby killed him Mick. She tore him all up and he bled out,” Mandy told him, voice shaking and tears falling heavy down her cheeks.

  “No. No you... no you’re lying. No Mandy…” he fell back, chocking out his disbelief.

  Mickey slid down the wall, tears blurring his vision of his sister and daughter. There was a long moment where the pair of them just stayed there, silently crying but then Amanda started to cry, obviously catching onto their heartache.

  His parental instincts kicked in then and he pushed himself up from the door and gently took his daughter from his sister, cradling her in his arms and cooing to her. She was so beautiful, still all red and so so tiny, smaller than her brothers ever were. She had auburn hair, some mix of brown and red, it was thick and fluffy already and her eyes were shaped just like Ian’s and already turning green. She looked more like his husband than their twins did who seemed to have only inherited his colouring and she was so beautiful. It hurt to look at her and see his husband who had died, had died with him away, had died giving birth to the child that Mickey had asked for.

  “Fuck,” he whispered hoarsely,” I asked for her. I wanted her. He’s dead because of me, it’s my fault.”

  “No,” Mandy replied, quietly and broken,” these things happen Mickey. People die having babies but it’s not your fault, there is no reason to blame yourself for this. You can’t blame yourself for this okay. You have three kids to look after now, I won’t be here for much longer so it’s going to be up to you to make sure that they are okay. If you blame yourself for this it will break you and what kind of father do you think you’ll be if you’re broken?”

  He looked up at her, holding his little daughter close before burying his face in her fluffy hair. Tiny little fists rested against his collar bones and the little nose wrinkled as the girl snuffled, having quietened down. She was right, his sister. He had to be strong for his kids, he had to love his husband through his kids. They meant that a part of Ian was still alive. Ian may have died but Amanda lived. Manda. That sounded better. Couldn’t call her Mandy but Amanda sounded so formal. Amanda, a name that had been certain before even her brothers were born.

  “What’s her name Mick? Ian… he- he wasn’t coherent after and then he- he died shortly after. He didn’t name her. But you know what the name is right?” she asked uncertainly.

  “Amanda, cause you know we promised. Amanda Rose Milkovich-Gallagher,” Mickey told her, still not taking his face away from the baby.

  “Thank you Mick,” she replied hoarsely.

  “Manda for short though okay,” he told her, finally looking up.

  She just nodded, stepping forward and briefly squeezing his shoulder before leaving him alone in the room. He felt empty even as he held his little daughter, the wedding ring on his finger felt so heavy.

  “I love you okay Manda. I love you and I love your daddy. Always,” he promised her quietly. He could do this, he would hurt, he knew he would never not miss Ian, he knew that the ache would always be there but he would do this for his boys and for his daughter. He would raise them right, he would raise them well and he’d just have to love them enough for both him and Ian.

  Ian.

  He had to sit back down then, holding Manda close as he sobbed, unable to hold the anguish inside. It hurt too damn much.


End file.
